These Words from My Dad Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a pause - spending a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."